When i went home and took my shower, Ah seng came and told me that his school needs him to apply Australia Visa in order to go to Australia next month. Since ah seng is living here, so i think we are responsible to help him settle the visa here.

However, the dear mama lee, doesn't think so. She thinks that this is not OUR business, and she refuses to help ah seng to settle the visa. She said "wo3 yo4 bu4 hui4, rang4 ta1 zi4 ji3 xiang3 ban4 fa3 lor"

I was like "HALO~", ah seng staying here to let you earn money, then you still showing this kind of self-fish attitute. If such little thing, you also refused to help, then next time who will want to stay at our house? -_-'

I was really turn off by her words. And i told her, ah seng is living at our house, and he is paying the rent, so we should try to help him as much as possible, to make this place feel like a home for him. Of course, she couldn't listen in, and walked off to her room. And now i am printing out the "Application to visit Australia for toruism" for ah seng.

I know mama lee is a great person. She has many qualities that i really admire. But one thing is that, some how, she is too self centered. In her world, there are only two things, Me and Herself. She even puts me on top of her priority list. There is a very thin line between "caring" and "controlling".

She doesn't play mahjong and go shopping like a tai tai. She could, but she didn't.She always used ME as an excuse for not going dinners with her friends. She always said "sorry, i can't go. Because i have to take care of my child, even thought everyone know I am 19 already! " She doesn't initiate to call or contact her friends unless necessary, and she never writes back to her friends' greeting cards.The worst thing is that, she complains to me she doesn't have a friend!

"Can i go oversea alone or with my friends?" i asked.

"No" she answered.

"Can i stay overnight at my friend's house?" i asked

"No" she asnwered.

"Can i watch a mid night movie?" i asked

"No" she asnwered.

"Can i dye hair?" i asked

"No" she answered.

"Can i...." i asked

"No.... no.... and No...." she answered.


Too many choices in my life. Are made by her.I am 19. And i am going to a university. I am doing good. I have a good mother.

Once, I asked her : "when will u let me do what i want, choose what i like"
She said : "soon... soon... "
I belive ten years down the road, or maybe 20, 30 ... years later
Her answer is still : "soon... soon..."

I asked her again : "when will you feel comfortable to let me be independent"
She said : ".... "
I asked : "why?"
She said : "Because i have nothing buy you now, and i can't afford to lose you."

That's the ultimate powerful sentence in the world. And i know i have to take that.My lips sealed, and i know i can't blame her for that.

Now is 12:32AM, she is shouting from her bedroom to ask me to sleep. Fine! I wonder does it occur to her that i have no school tmr and currently i am having a long holiday.

Mother's day is coming. I know I love her as much as I do belive. seriously, I do love her. But, some how, i dun feel like i am being myself. oh well~ HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY